I Only Have One

Two of my Friends have lost their fathers this week.

My dad was a hard working man, a rugged man, he loved me but he didn't always know how to show it.  As I grew up I remember thinking that he had better relationships with his employees than with me.  As I grew older he has supported me in most everything I've done, sometimes with apprehension.


I remember thinking back when I was young, we didn't spend enough quality time together.  Then as I got older and would reminisce, I could remember him teaching me how to pitch a baseball.  What's funny is I can also remember my mom playing football with me in the front yard.  My dad never missed one of my ball games and he always encouraged me to work harder, that's what he knew best.  I also remember my dad playing basketball with me.  When I was four or five my parents bought a house on some land next door to their best friends.


This house they bought was at one time a chicken farm.  It sat on a large piece of land with huge old cottonwood trees.  In the back of the property was a barn that was the size of a football field.  It still had gutter rails where the chicken eggs would roll down - at least that's what I thought.  Beside the barn was a smaller workshop type building where I believe my dad kept the horse feed.  I remember thinking what a cool building it was because who ever built this old building build it with small little doors that swung both ways probably for cats to come and go so they could catch the field mice after all this is where the horse feed was kept.


A few years later my dad decided to tear the old building down and by doing this it left a nice slab of concrete.  My dad and Don, my dad's best friend that lived next door, made a basketball goal and installed it at one end of this slab and made it a nice basketball court. There my dad and I would shoot hoops for hours.  Dad had the chance to play pro basketball but instead of playing for the pros he decided to marry my mom.  He could sit at the edge of the concrete slab and swish every basket, keep in mind this was about a half court.  I can remember him sitting down and of course I would feed him the ball.  He would miss the first two or three and then he had it down.  Over and over he could nail it making a swish - all net every time.  Needless to say he would kill me at “HORSE,” “HORSES” or even “HORSE TRAILER,” it didn't matter how many extra words we added he would still win.  I can remember just about dark as the sun was setting mom would yell out the back door, “Dinner is ready,” and a couple more shots and then we headed for the house to wash up for dinner.


As I think more about my dad, he wasn't much for sitting around.  He had horses and cattle that had to be feed morning and night, and a large garden he had planted, plus he worked every day.  My dad was a hard working man and a great dad.
If I had to say something negative about my dad, the only thing I could say is that he worked too hard. If I said something about what he did so well, he worked hard. He was and still is a provider. His main job was to take care of my mom and to provide for his family, he did it well. If I was asked, what was the most important thing your dad ever taught you, I would have to say, he taught me how to love my wife and how to care for my family. He taught me that in all cases you need to love and respect the women God has blessed you with. He taught me that it is okay to argue but it is good to see your parents love each other too.


I only have one dad and I am thankful for the support he gives me and the things he has taught me.


Mark Grisham

Friendship...

To Have A Friend We Must Be One

Over the years I have had the opportunity to do many different things.  But it was not until last year that I realized God had gifted me with relationships.  He has given me the desire and passion to help people with life issues.

I realized this about a year ago while I was sitting on the board of elders at Journey Church.  It was on a Sunday right after communion; we were set up to pray for people.  That was when I realized my passion for people.  A young lady who had just lost her job walked up us.  She is a dedicated woman that loves God and loves her three young girls.  Being a single mom losing her job she came up for prayer.  I didn't specifically remember the prayer I prayed for her but two Sundays later she walked up to me.  She stood in front of me and said, "Can I hug you?"  I said, “Of course you can.”  Then she began to explain what had happened.  She said, “Do you remember what you prayed when you prayed for me,” I didn't remember so she reminded me.  She said, “You prayed that God would bless me for my obedience and that God will provide for me to the point that you will be laughing at how creative He gets to provide for you and your kids.”  I remembered in my prayer I kind of laughed as I said, “God will provide in ways that will blow your mind if you just believe and trust in Him.”  I said, “You will receive non-explainable checks in the mail to the point that you will laugh at His creative ways”. . . God was so real as I prayed for her, but like times before when God speaks I don't usually remember the details. This woman I had prayed for reminded me and she along with her young daughters was laughing at how God was providing for them in unexplainable ways, ways in which only God can provide. 

Later that afternoon, as I was thinking back at our conversation, I realized it was times like that where God would use me. That is when I realized that was my passion, praying and helping people.

God has blessed me with a non threatening way about me that lets me befriend people and connect with them on a level that conversation is easy and nonthreatening, so I am told.  But this is God, not me!

And that has lead me to this. . . Did you know statistically men are not relational and statistically the average man does not even have one friend that he can confide in?  However, I am finding contradiction in these statistics.  I feel that when men are given the opportunity to share their deepest feelings in a safe place, they are more than willing.  I have been blessed with many friends and I believe to have a friend you must first be one.  In our men's group on Tuesday we discussed this topic and one of the questions I asked was, "What characteristics in a friend are important to you?"  We heard a lot of answers but the two that seemed to be the most important were Trust and Loyalty. 

The definition for Trust is:  reliance on another person or entity.  Having faith in others and believing them.

And the definition for Loyalty is:  faithfulness to a cause. Loyalty also means devotion, dependent, and honest to one person or thing.

Loyalty, also called allegiance or troth, is faithfulness or a devotion to a person or cause.

So I ask, are you a friend?  Are you easily approachable?  Are you loyal and trustworthy?

After thinking about this I came to the conclusion that in order to be a friend, or should I say in order to have a friend, it is important to open up.  To become vulnerable, we have to open up in order to build that loyalty and trust.  And in turn that relationship will then be reciprocated.  Same goes for our love for our spouse, we have to open up and share our deepest thoughts but as I say this even your spouse needs their same sex relationships to confide in.  We need friends that will be loyal and truthful, and at the same time someone who will give Godly counsel.

Kent Hughs in Disciplines of a Godly Man says,

There are no hooks in such friendships, no desire to manipulate or control, no jealousy or exclusiveness - simply a desire for the best for the other, Dostoyevski had the idea when he wrote: "To love a person means to see him as God intended him to be." Do you have such a deep friend?

Loyalty is indispensable to the survival of friendship. How many once-prosperous friendships have faded because of disloyal talk? Pascal put it pointedly: "I set this down as a fact, that if all men knew what each other said of the other, there would not be four friends in the world." You will never know a deep friendship unless there is mutual loyalty and trust.

Hebrews 10:24-25 - "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.  Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another-and all the more as you see the Day approaching." 

Proverbs 17:17 - "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interpersonal_relationship

Quotes From the book "Disciplines of a Godly Man" By Kent Hughs and Definitions from Wikipedia